World mental health day 2025
Over my life I have struggled with episodes of depression, anxiety, crippling low self-esteem, and complex grief. The causes of these emotions in my life are complex and multifactorial.
On a background of being bullied in my teenage years, having undiagnosed dyslexia, being kicked out of nursing university for not being able to complete my final written exams, resitting 18-months of university again, losing my mum and aunty on the same day in 2002, followed by my grandmother less than 3-months later, I then got married, and had my first baby in 2005. By the time baby number 3 came along in 2009, I was under the mental health team for antenatal depression. I was emotionally and hormonally in chaos. I did the only thing I knew how to do; work harder at being better, and put my feelings down to not being strong or “good enough”. Let me tell you this is not a strategy I recommend.
Eventually (after 10-years), I went to therapy and had the support of a wonderful human; Jayne, who was recommended by a close friend. I arrived with reservations and when Jayne got a flip chart out and coloured pens I nearly bolted out the door (I didn’t of course as I am too polite and would hate the idea of upsetting the therapist, so I sat quietly and nodded). Jayne mapped out my life, my connections, my losses, and my responsibilities. I wept. I had so much responsibility and the person at the bottom of the list was me. This process led me to goal mapping, a life changing process which I still use today.
Unfortunately, just like our physical health, if you stop looking after your mental wellbeing it tends to come back and bite you. So here I was another 10-years later feeling depressed, anxious, and not good enough. I felt I was failing my children, my relationships, and my career. This was compounded by another, and relatively unexpected addition of the peri-menopause. Wow, this was an unwelcome addition in my life I can tell you. I began to drink more alcohol to deal with my anxiety in social situations but then felt worse the next day so I had to drink even more. I had no idea this is what I was doing and the impact it was having in exacerbating my anxiety and low self-esteem. I questioned every conversation I had, always feeling like I had said the wrong thing.
By this point, not only was my mind yelling at me but my body had started to join in the show. My blood pressure went up along with my weight and waistline, my joints hurt, and I felt knackered. The gem of reducing oestrogen and progesterone though is that you turn into a furnace and you can’t sleep, when all you want to do is sleep, to get away from the noise in your head. Basically I had forgotten a lot of what I had learnt from Jayne, so I went back to my default mode; work harder, drink more, do better. Again, not recommended.
The irony was from the outside everything looked fine. I had the kids, husband, family, friends, house, and career. I was the life and soul of the party (until I started crying), but inside I was miserable.
After one too many drinks on the morning of my 46th birthday, I woke up and knew I was done. I didn’t want to live like this or feel like this anymore. I made some radical changes (some not so radical too), got some therapy, and put myself at the top of my list.
I can honestly say that I feel mentally and physically in the best place that I can remember being in for a really long time. I approach looking after my mental health the same way as I do my physical health. I have to work hard at staying healthy. I never take this feeling for granted as I know how easy it is to slip back into the darkness. I am open about my feelings and experiences as I know all well the damage that can be done by keeping quiet.
Mental illness can affect anyone, of any age. It shouldn’t be stigmatised but it is, and this will only change by being open and raising awareness. If you are reading this and you are struggling; please know it will pass, that you mean something to someone, and that you can feel better, it takes time, understanding, and support, don’t try to do it on your own or think that you are not worthy of support. Put yourself at the top of your list, it’s the least selfish thing you can do.
Kelly x